Tiny Changes With Big Results

Self-help is a meme

Apologies for the delay! I've been traveling over the past week from Orlando to Savannah, and Miami to Dallas. I'm currently in the air as I write this, on my way back to New York.

Anyway, today I wanted to talk about how internet self-help is a meme. That's right, I'm calling out the entire industry.

Building good habits and learning systems on a small, practical level is beneficial.

The problem, however, with 21st-century self-help advice is it boils down to shitty self-hypnosis promising the world and instigating change in an unhealthy way, especially for those too broken to benefit from it at all.

This is why I wanted to talk about tiny changes that you might be able to make, that can have big results.

"Do what you love"

"Do what you love" was only valid advice back in the 1950 and 70s when the US population was <50% of what it is today while countries like China, India, and Bangladesh were still in the Stone Age.

If you had a degree back then you could basically do whatever you wanted and still make good money.

This led Boomer parents to tell their kids to "do what they love" because during their time it didn't matter what you did — you were practically guaranteed to become middle-class with a house, wife, kids, and a white picket fence.

Nowadays, "do what you love" is some of the worst advice you can give someone. It could put you into massive amounts of college debt with no marketable skills or experience, leading you to work a job you hate for the rest of your life.

"Do what you love" is only good advice if you're financially educated. If not you'll end up a starving artist or working a job you hate to pay off your student loans.

Is the whole self-help genre a meme?

Yes.

They're all vague ideas that could fit in a few paragraphs reiterated over and over with a bunch of examples for hundreds of pages. I've found very few exceptions to this.

Here are the exceptions:

• Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins

• Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson

• The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

• Atomic Habits by James Clear

There's no alternative to doing the work. Get that? Do the work. No matter what. All these internet guru self-help methods are just making you think you're being productive by thinking about being productive. It's all a bunch of bullshit.

As Navy Seal David Goggins says, a lot of us fall in love with the planning phase of achieving our goals and it holds us back. I read something similar in a book about social anxiety. People think they need the perfect plan or the ultimate one-liner to approach a girl but in reality, a simple "how are you" would suffice.

Stop reading about it and do the work.

Stop wasting time with politics 

The problem with my generation is we’re taught that it’s important to have views but not important to know what we’re talking about.

We’re encouraged to have an opinion on everything and share it with the world but we’re not given the tools to back up those opinions. We’re not taught how to think, we’re taught what to think.

This is incredibly dangerous.

Instead, be the leader you wish we had in our government and others will begin to follow. Or, you could use "selective ignorance" as Jordan Peterson would say, ignore politics entirely, and focus on the things you can control.

I'm not saying to stop caring about the world, I'm saying to stop caring about the things you can't control and focus on the things you can.

Read the Stoics if you want to learn more about this approach.

Do not forget to love. Love yourself. Love those who love you.

“Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering” — Yoda

I've been enjoying Penelope Ryder's Substack posts lately.

The ethos of her content, I would say, is love. Not the annoying, in-your-face "love and light" type of love but a more subdued and mature understanding that love is important.

And I think she's right.

In a world that's so full of nihilism and self-doubt, we need more love. More importantly, we need to recognize that the basis for love starts with loving yourself — and above all, not lying to yourself.

Life is a series of small decisions and opportunities that if you don't pursue, you'll look back on with regret. Maybe a cute girl sits next to you on the bus but you're too afraid to say anything. Maybe you have an opportunity to pursue your dream job but you're too scared of failure.

You'll tell yourself these things don't matter, but you're lying to yourself.

These small decisions do matter. They are love.

Love yourself because it's the only way you can love others. And as my favorite author Dostoevsky would say, our love could be the love that saves the world.

Final Thought

There are some self-help books that are worth reading but don't put too much stock in them. Nothing beats doing the work and being honest about what you want in life.

Above all, don't be afraid to be selfish.

It isn't wrong despite what you've been taught.

And finally, don't forget to love. Love yourself and love those who love you. It's the only way we're going to make it through this mess. Thanks for reading and now that I'm back on track expect one more post later this week on Friday!

Cheers.